We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
