his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
