You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
