i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
