it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
She told me I should be a condom model.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
