I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
