And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
