Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
