too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
