You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
