Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
