I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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