Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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