its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
