i jhust puked up my retainher.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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