i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
