I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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