Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
