your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
It was a blind-side dick pic.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
