i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Randomize
