she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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