Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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