i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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