The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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