being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
