Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
