Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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