I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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