our cab driver is having phone sex.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
