As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
