So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
