Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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