I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
