On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
