im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
