The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
