I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Randomize
