I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
