How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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