i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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