I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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