Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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