so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
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