Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
