you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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