just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
