oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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