ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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