I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
