you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
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