I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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